when people die suddenly, what do you say?

[LTrain06]

I know this is a depressing topic, but I had to come on and get your advice. Sorry, I didn't post to let you all know I wouldn't be around for a few days while I'm visiting home. Anyway, my day was really weird today, I went to the Red Sox game with my sisters and my dad for his birthday, and toward the end of the game, I call my best friend Rachel to see what she was up to tonight, cuz she hadn't called me back yet which was kind of odd for her. So she goes, "yeah, I can't hang out this weekend, my mother just had a grand mal seizure and died." Totally sudden and unexpected. I wasn't sure at all what to say. I've never had to comfort a grieving friend before, certainly not one who had just had a parent die. Of course, I felt like an asshole cuz here I am in the bleachers of a baseball game with people yelling "lets go Red Sox!" all around me. Of course I said how sorry I was, and she said "get ready for tomorrow night, cuz i think I'm gonna wanna drink a lot." So of course, I'm going to be her designated driver now, I said whatever she needs I am here, and I will be at the funeral, but since nothing like this has ever happened to anyone I know before, I'm wondering how to comfort someone in grief.

[Dane's_Mods_Sux]

LTrain...there isn't much you CAN say. Just being there for your friend when she needs to cry, drink, yell - whatever and saying you are sorry and you are there for them. My ex-husband's Mom died (when we were still dating) and I didn't know what to do. But you have to take ques (is that even spelled right?) from your friend. My ex wanted to be by himself for a while so there was nothing I could do or say so I waited for him to come to me, always letting him know I was there.

Death sux - good luck.

[hiseyetwirls]

Ummm....my mom died last year....if she was like me, your friend didn't know what to say either. When all that stuff happened with me, I didn't know how to tell people...I ended up telling some of my closest friends online....but the night it happened, I went to my friend Erin's house (Cheese), and I told her what happened. It was the first time I had cried about it...it was hard....but I think what I needed was someone I could talk to about it and think outloud with...but I'm sure it's different for everyone. So good luck with that....sorry about your friend's mom

[Macha]

Just stick by her. She knows you are there for her and try to keep her mind off of things by talking about other stuff...or even happy memories.

The best thing to say is "i'm here for you, no matter what..remember that"

[2Short]

When people die suddenly you say things like:
(the following comments will all be assuming that the dead person you talk about is a man)

Did he leave you anything?

At least it saves me the trouble of killing the bastard.

So, Margaret is single now?

Um, when can I have some time alone with the corpse?

[Cheese]

Macha said:

The best thing to say is "i'm here for you, no matter what..remember that"

That's the best advice right there.

[ILaughAtSex]

Say whatever you mean. I personally think that the usage of coined phrases like that is no good. If you care, tell them you care, if you want to be there for them, tell them this. Say what you are feeling. Don't try to tell them what you think they want to hear, tell them what you really mean.

[LTrain06]

It actually turned out to be a lot easier than I thought. I mean, not easier, but easier to be of help. Basically, I was just by her side the whole week. she called me up, wanted me to come over, I was there in 15 minutes, every time. mostly, she wanted to hang out with her friends to laugh and for a distraction. and when she wanted to talk about it, we listened. and drove her home so she could drink as much as she wanted. otherwise, we told stories and made fun of people, like always.